Profane Slang

More Story, Less Substance: The United States of Leland, A Rip-Off of Donnie Darko

2008-11-13T19:24:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching The United States of Leland thanks to Netflix and an evening home sick from work. The film, written and directed by Matthew Ryan Hoge came out in 2003. In 2001, another dual writer/director, Richard Kelly, came out with a film called Donnie Darko, which, by the time of Hoge's release, was a well-known indie classic. This is why it is hard for me to ignore the similarities between the two psychologically bizarre, detached character studies.

As with Donnie Darko, The United States of Leland focuses on a darkly introspective teenage boy with flat affect and obvious, though unclearly defined, psychological problems. Ryan Gosling (Leland of Leland) even delivers his lines in the same shy, sparse, mumbling tone as Jake Gyllenhaal (Donnie of Donnie). There is a teacher with whom Leland shares his questions and theories, as there is for Donnie, and both characters date troubled yet gently supportive girls played by Jena Malone.

Ah, Jena Malone. It isn't relevant to mention her characters' names in either of these movies because they are the same person - a person whom I assume is also Jena Malone in real life. Ms. Malone is good at pulling off what little is expected of her: holding boys' hands, crying, dealing with the harsh realities life has dealt her (like her dad killing her mom or her boyfriend killing her brother), and talking like she is mildly upset.

"I'm Jena Malone, okay? My hair is greasy, okay? And...I just...I have some acne on my chin, okay? And my face is creepy in a chubby plastic doll way. But, you know, I have a lower back tattoo, okay?"

Jena Malone, wearing lots of foundation and showing off what some sleazy tattoo artist gave her (left). Jena just bein' creepy (right). Click the pictures for full effect.

Anyway, beyond similarities to Donnie Darko and the annoying gross-out factor of Jena Malone, The United States of Leland is actually composed around a fairly interesting story. There is a lot going on in the film. Each of the characters has at least one emotional subplot and (again, as in Donnie Darko) characters and stories become intertwined by the end of the movie, creating a sense of interconnectedness. Shown in clips juxtaposing the recent past with the presesnt (need I compare this as well?), the film recounts events and people involved in Leland's killing of a developmentally delayed boy. Although there is a much clearer storyline and more room for character development than in Donnie Darko, Leland is somehow less engaging. Whatever mood is set through the tensions of intellectual discussion, darkness, unnerving close-ups, and 80's music in Donnie Darko is absent in Leland. There is no atmosphere to the film and a disappointing lack of depth. Despite the charged plotline, the visual banality of Leland detracts from any real psychological participation. Leland's audience will surely not have the mysterious emotional ride they experienced in Donnie Darko.

The United States of Leland could have been a great look into the psche of a young murderer, somewhat in the vein of Primal Fear or Frailty (though without the plot twists) or even Murder by Numbers, another Ryan Gosling piece. Unfortunately, however, Matthew Ryan Hoge wanted to focus more on feeling than story, but only went half way. When isolation, confusion, and emptiness are the main gears utilized to drive a movie, more is needed than long pauses to set an appropriate tone. But perhaps it is improper execution of tone alone that keeps this film from breaking stylistic copywrights.

Two fate-obsessed main characters in their signature zip-up hoodies: Donnie (left) and Leland (right).

Review of Funny Games

2008-03-11T13:01:00.000-07:00

Open on an SUV towing a sailboat down a highway to the tune of opera music while a man and woman guess at song titles. The voiceovers are annoying - almost grating and hokey - but then, these are the voices of rich people, members of the leisure class on their way to a lake home. The couple, George (Tim Roth) and Anna (Naomi Watts), and their son, Georgie (Devon Gearhart), wave to some neighbors out golfing with two young men and arrive at their Thomasville-furnished home.

The family seems picture-perfect in this idyllic paradise until the two young men from next door, clad in white and wearing politely unmentioned gloves, arrive to “borrow eggs.” Of course these men, known as Peter (Brady Corbet) and Paul (Michael Pitt), are sociopathic murderers determined to have some cruel fun with the family.

So begins a struggle for survival spearheaded by the indomitable Anne. Watts (also a producer of the film) could be commendable in this performance if she didn’t do what she does in every movie: take off her clothes and cry. With her lack of “jelly rolls” and streaming nose, this role seems to be a perfect showcase for Watts’ talents. Roth, recalling a scene from Reservoir Dogs, manages to put on an even better hysterical performance than Watts. Maybe it can be chalked up to good acting, but both George and Anne become so irritating by the halfway mark of the film that their torture seems well-deserved. Corbet and the creepily charismatic Pitt are brilliant in their “Beavis and Butthead” interplays (an apt comparison from the movie) and Pitt drives the film along, on pace with his games.

The only weak moments of the film come mainly when the camera is focused on George and Anne. Juxtaposed with the severely intense first hour of the film, the following elongated scene of Anne turning off the TV and struggling to stand up seems like an ungainly intermission. Paul also unexpectedly addresses the camera and even goes so far as to play with the editing - bizarre but innocuous additions to the tone of the film. An obvious but effective ploy is that of the collision between opera and thrash metal at the start of the film, foreshadowing the plot. It is this and the final scene, clean and unsettling, which set (and reset) the mood, convincing me that overall, Funny Games is actually a pretty fun movie.

Review of Penelope

2008-03-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

Penelope is a fanciful and charming film about a girl who is born with a pig nose and, in true fairytale fashion, must find true love despite her unusual appearance. The story begins when a witch places a curse on the wealthy Wilhern family, ensuring all their daughters will be born with piggish facial features. Luckily, the family went through five generations of birthing only sons, but then Penelope is born. Unable to have plastic surgery because a major artery runs directly through her nose, Penelope is hidden inside her family’s mansion and her mother fakes Penelope’s death in an effort to discourage prying eyes.

There is a stipulation, however, that the family curse can be lifted if one of Penelope’s “own kind” falls in love with her. So Penelope’s mother (Catherine O’Hara) assembles a long line of affluent suitors, hoping that one of them will accept her daughter (or be placated by a large dowry). Each of the men end up being horrified by Penelope’s appearance and some even jump through windows to avoid her company. One such faint-hearted suitor is Edward Vanderman (Simon Woods), who is assumed to be insane for his hysterics after leaving the Wilhern estate. In an effort to restore his reputation, Edward joins forces with diligent reporter Lemon (Peter Dinklage) to secure proof of Penelope’s existence. They hire Max (James McAvoy), an aristocrat with gambling debts, to pose as a potential suitor and snap a picture of Penelope. The plan goes awry when Max develops feelings for Penelope and Penelope decides to run away and experience the real world.

Out in public for the first time, Penelope wears a scarf to hide her nose and is befriended by Annie (Reese Witherspoon), a brash and streetwise delivery driver. All things come to a head when Penelope’s parents track her down, the curse becomes public, and Max must overcome his own uncertainties to give the movie its expected fairytale ending.

Set in an otherworldly London, the film’s look is part Tim Burton, part Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, The Orphanage), and even part Wes Anderson (specifically recalling The Royal Tenenbaums). Director Mark Palansky employs just the right amount of darkness to make Penelope a modern fable that will apply to audiences beyond preteen girls. With excellent acting, a sweet and engaging plot, and a trendy air, Penelope is as pleasant, plucky, and likeable as its title character.

Review of Be Kind Rewind

2008-02-26T14:28:00.000-08:00

The trailers for Be Kind Rewind make the movie look like a non-stop laugh fest filled with quirky, slapstick humor as the unlikely team of Jack Black and Mos Def find themselves in outrageous situations, trying to re-enact various blockbuster films. The previews depict the movie as having the same kind of hilarious charm as a poorly-made home video - something you might have filmed with your friends and watched immediately afterward, gasping with laughter. There are moments of this pure humor in Be Kind Rewind, but most of them were covered in the trailers.

That’s not to say that the movie is bad or boring. There is simply more drama in the plot than was really appropriate. The film is, on the surface, about Jerry (Black) and Mike (Mos Def) recreating a slew of videos for a rental store after Jerry magnetically erases all the originals. But there is another parallel plot about the video store and upstairs apartment, both owned by Mr. Fletcher (Danny Glover), being demolished to make way for a modern housing complex. Then there is a plot about Mike wanting to gain the approval of Mr. Fletcher, his possibly adoptive father. There is another plot about Fats Waller, a plot about an elderly lady, Miss Falewicz (Mia Farrow), being bullied by her nephew, a plot about finding a way to unite the community in which the video store is located, and a plot about Jerry being afraid of radiation from a nearby power plant.

Overall, the film is pleasant, well-paced, and manages more than a few genuinely funny moments, but, typical of director Michel Gondry, there are too many ideas, each backed by too many high hopes, for the movie to stay completely grounded. There is also a scene, perplexing for the genre, in which Jack Black is suspended upside-down by Ghostbusters-style electric currents (only it’s not during the remake of Ghostbusters). However, Gondry has come as close as he ever may to making a straightforward, audience-pleasing film. Idiosyncrasies that may have otherwise alienated viewers are easy to overlook. Be Kind Rewind is worth it even for the small amount of hilarity that goes beyond the trailers and its well-meaning, if slightly askew, dramatic subplots prove to be cliché but harmless.

Review of Definitely, Maybe

2008-02-25T23:55:00.001-08:00

There is no worse Valentine’s gift than admission to a movie by director Adam Brooks (Wimbledon). Definitely, Maybe, a story about a man who has three recurring girlfriends and later tells his tale of triplicate love to his daughter during his divorce from her mother, is not the type of romantic movie that will make a person feel overjoyed about being in a relationship. Especially if you are in a relationship with a significant other who has given you the insult of buying you a ticket to this movie.

Definitely, Maybe wavers from the beginning with Ryan Reynolds’ voice-over introduction and a bizarre montage of Will Hayes (Reynolds) walking around New York to the tune of “Everyday People.” When Will picks up his daughter, Maya (Abigail Breslin), from school, he discovers that she has just learned about sex. Maya questions Will all the way home and their conversation somehow leads to Will’s dating life before he married Abigail’s mother.

Creating a “mystery romance” for his daughter’s bedtime story, Will agrees to tell Maya about the three loves he had in his life, without revealing which one turned out to be Maya’s mother. The story jumps back to 1992 when Will leaves his college girlfriend, “Emily” (Elizabeth Banks), behind to work on the Clinton campaign in New York. With occasional disapproving interjections from Maya, the new (or rather, previous) plot revolves around Will’s life in New York without Emily.

Will soon meets April (Isla Fisher), an office worker at the campaign headquarters, and Summer (Rachel Weisz), an old friend of Emily’s. While waiting for Emily to come to New York so he can propose to her, Will manages to get to first base with both April and Summer. So begins a series of ill-fated romantic attempts with all three girls as Will repeatedly falls in love and gets his heart broken.

During this tedious span of five years, the audience is treated to an awkward and inappropriately placed song by Rachel Weisz and intermittent returns to Will’s current life with Maya. Abigail Breslin, playing perhaps the only likeable character in the film, can’t seem to pull much believability out of the clichéd script and uninspired direction. Ryan Reynolds doesn’t show enough emotion until the last twenty minutes of the film to really enamor the audience at all. His interactions with Breslin seem like scraps from some Dane Cook movie. The trio of actresses who play Will’s girlfriends is highlighted by Isla Fisher, but this may be because she is the only one required to show a range of emotions.

After Maya discovers which one of Will’s old love interests is her mother, she tries to get him back together with the woman she decides he will be truly happy with. In the end, Will does reunite with one of his old girlfriends (who could do much better) and the film manages a charming finish. This is, of course, only after a long hour and a half of redundant romantic struggles and a few upsetting appearances from Kevin Kline.

It’s a mystery why this movie was released on Valentine’s Day. An unimpressive story about the confusion and disappointment of love in which every character proves to be unfaithful, it seems unlikely (despite the happy ending) that Definitely, Maybe will be able to rely on the romantic atmosphere of this holiday for a substantial audience.

Review of The Spiderwick Chronicles

2008-02-25T23:53:00.000-08:00

As if Freddie Highmore (whose ubiquity is possibly only surpassed by Little Miss Sunshine’s Abigail Breslin) hasn’t been getting enough roles recently, he plays two different characters in The Spiderwick Chronicles: Jared and Simon Grace. Simon is passive and bookish, while Jared, we learn early on, has a history of “anger problems,” violence, and causing problems for his family. Despite having a sometimes-distractingly practiced American accent, Highmore is able to establish his characters as distinctly different people with full personalities who don’t seem one-dimensional or trite.

Given Jared’s tumultuous past behavior, his family blames him for the strange things that happen when his mother moves him, Simon, and their older sister, Mallory into an abandoned house that used to belong to a great-aunt. Jared soon discovers that his great-great-uncle, Arthur Spiderwick (David Strathairn) had discovered an entire world of mythical creatures and compiled a book chronicling his studies. One such mythical creature is an annoying Brownie named Thimbletack (voiced by Martin Short) who turns into a raging green Bogart when he is upset. It turns out that Thimbletack is responsible for the mischief going on in Jared’s new home and also for guarding the book by Arthur Spiderwick. If the book goes outside a protective sphere surrounding the house, goblins will try to steal it and use its information to gain power over all creatures, including humans. So begins a battle between Jared’s family and the goblins for possession of the book. Conveniently, Mallory (Sarah Bolger) is a fencing expert and is able to fight off several goblins with an old sword she finds in the house.

In an era of book-inspired adventure movies involving mythical creatures and children, The Spiderwick Chronicles isn’t exactly something new. And sequels may well be on the way given that there are now five novels in the franchise. Even Freddie Highmore’s talent doesn’t make the film stand out since two years ago he was in another fantastical movie involving family bonds and fairies (Arthur and the Invisibles). However, what this movie lacks in cinematic originality doesn’t take away from its appeal to children, its target audience. If anything, The Spiderwick Chronicles may be more suited to younger viewers than its numerous comparable predecessors. The storyline is not bland, but is certainly more accessible than that of The Golden Compass (or, assumably, future installments of The Chronicles of Narnia). The plot does not fail to provide closure, as was the case in the only chapter of A Series of Unfortunate Events (based on similarly illustrated novels about three other clever siblings). The pacing is more steady and the action more continuous than most films of any type which have been adapted from a book. The Spiderwick Chronicles is entertaining and thorough – perhaps a light version of a Harry Potter excerpt.

Backing the magical plotline is a more relatable conflict regarding Jared’s reaction to his parents’ separation. While CGI monsters bleed green ooze and Nick Nolte represents a goblin king in weakened form, there is still room for emotional development between the human characters. The Spiderwick Chronicles is able to create a modern fairytale woven with elements of real-life believability, thus making it a solid film and a worthwhile addition to its genre.

Review of Cloverfield

2008-02-25T23:51:00.000-08:00

Cloverfield is an exhausting film, both physically and mentally. Movies should be enjoyable, or at least thought-provoking, but with an unoriginal storyline and literally nauseating camera work, Cloverfield requires a huge effort to watch and offers no payoff.

A group of twenty-somethings are having a party in Manhattan when the island is racked by what seems to be a series of earthquakes. Venturing onto the street, the protagonists soon witness the entire city being torn apart by a giant monster, which one of the characters speculates may have emerged from a crevasse in the ocean. While the area is evacuated by the military, Rob, the probable main character, and a few of his friends stay behind to rescue Rob’s true love from her apartment. A novelty of the narrative is the fact that the entire movie is allegedly filmed on a camcorder by the protagonists. So basically it’s War of the Worlds in a Blair Witch Project package.

The unsteady, whirling movements of the handheld camera don’t do much to create intensity; they only end up making the audience feel queasy. The plot also isn’t too satisfying. Though the introduction to the film reveals that human life has survived on Earth and at some point returned to Manhattan, it is never explained how or if the monster was defeated and what it was to begin with. The film might have been more satisfying, and certainly more believable had the monster been replaced by a particularly ruinous meteor shower.

Cloverfield is mostly a potential cause of sickness and a rehashing of several other films presented as something new. But scenes of New York being destroyed are starting to get tiring and first person camera ploys were tiring even in 1999.

Review of Persepolis

2008-02-25T23:48:00.000-08:00

Persepolis tells the story of the events in an Iranian girl’s life as she grows from a child into a woman. Marjane Satrapi, author of the Persepolis graphic novels, designed and directed the autobiographical film, recounting the political events that shaped present-day Iran and the effect they had on her youth.

Opening in 1970s Tehran, the animated Persepolis begins in a strangely cartoonish fashion, recalling the bouncing movements and exaggerated expressions of something as flippant as Disney’s “Steamboat Willie.” The lighthearted images juxtapose the young, outspoken Marjane’s nine-year-old worldview with her parents’ political discussions about the Islamic Revolution to overthrow the Shah. Presenting potentially foreign experiences to an international audience, Marjane is at once likeable and easy to relate to. Treasuring her Adidas shoes and demonstrating Bruce Lee moves at her parents’ cocktail parties, she is a typical girl in any country enjoying some degree of wealth and freedom. After the Revolution, however, Iran’s once-hopeful future begins to look bleak.

Islamic fundamentalists impose new rules on the country and Marjane is forced to wear a veil and is persecuted for her “punk” attire. Iraq begins to bomb Iran in its weakened political state and multitudes of people are imprisoned as “national threats.” One such person is Marjane’s Communist uncle, who she idolizes. When he is executed, Marjane becomes determined to make sure that she carries on his struggle for freedom so he won’t have died in vain.

Because of her opinionated behavior and the increasingly volatile political climate in Iran, Marjane’s parents make the difficult decision to send her to Vienna at the age of 14. Marjane struggles with the awkward experiences of puberty in an unfamiliar country. She finds it difficult to fit in or form a truthful identity and ends up drifting through a series of temporary residences and having several disheartening social experiences. Eventually homeless and extremely depressed, Marjane returns home to Iran.

The film continues on to relate Marjane’s re-immersion into Iranian culture, her marriage and eventual divorce, and numerous instances of the injustices committed by the government. Though the film’s message is powerful and Marjane’s story significant, details of what seems like every event in Marjane’s daily life and constant introductions of family friends and political activists tend to make the movie drag during its hour-and-a-half running time. Persepolis is a rich, poignant account of experiences which need to be shared, but it probably could have been cut down by about 45 minutes and still been just as significant.

The animation in the film was painstakingly organized by Satrapi, who first drew each of over 600 characters and then acted out each scene for the animators. The result is a distinct, reproduction of Satrapi’s graphic novels put into motion. There are times, however, especially during the scenes of Marjane’s childhood, that the animation resembles that of a Charlie Brown cartoon. Round, expressive eyes, single-line mouths, and absurd 1920s transition effects make these parts of the movie seem inappropriately playful in contrast to the subject matter. The film does tend to mature with Marjane, though, and the frivolity of childhood gives way to deeply emotive scenes, created artistically with only a black and white palate.

Persepolis is a pathway into a world few others have seen. Designed on a two-dimensional landscape, its gray tones illustrate a country damaged by war and revolution, while its solid black and white accentuate the life of a young girl who was meant to stand out. An enlightening and profoundly personal film, Persepolis is a unique and valuable creation.

Best and Worst Films of 2007

2008-02-25T23:47:00.000-08:00

The movies of 2007 were marked by grandiose, dramatic cinematography and poorly planned narratives. Few films were wonderful and many were awful, making it difficult for me to decide which were actually worthy of being called The Worst Films of the Year. One movie stood out as an obvious choice for Best Film: The Assassination of Jesse James. Haunting and beautiful, The Assassination’s tense, melancholy tones make it one of the few films successful in evoking accurate emotions from the audience. It stands out for the consistent strength of its writing, directing, and acting – a feat it alone achieved this year.

Best Films:

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
No Country for Old Men
3:10 to Yuma
Zodiac
28 Days Later

Worst Films:

Halloween
4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Margot at the Wedding
Juno

Review of Sweeney Todd

2008-02-25T23:45:00.000-08:00

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, based on a Broadway musical, is another dark and morbidly humorous Tim Burton project. Set in London, the story centers around a man named Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp), a barber who once lived a happy life with a beautiful wife and daughter. Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman), who desired Todd’s wife, sent him away and destroyed his family. Now, fifteen years later, Todd has returned to London to reclaim his daughter and get revenge. Along with the help of Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), Todd goes on a killing spree and forms a plan to help him destroy his ultimate target, Judge Turpin.

The film is well acted but loses ground during the rather monotonous musical numbers. There is not enough flair to keep the audience engaged through the limp solos and the songs are more idle redundancy than modes of progression. The play probably would have adapted better had it not remained a musical on screen. Also, Tim Burton’s project hovers uncertainly somewhere between a Disney movie, a horror film, and a John Waters production. There is too much direct gore, too few menacing undertones, and an almost ridiculous montage of blood spraying out of slit necks while Todd sings another solo number.

Despite the occasionally campy effects of the story, the film is well directed, and will certainly be enjoyable for any fans of Tim Burton or Johnny Depp’s more whimsical work. The musical aspect aside, Sweeney Todd is recognizable as a solid film and, if nothing else, a change of pace from current movies.

Review of The Golden Compass

2007-12-11T23:06:00.000-08:00

The Golden Compass is based on a book originally published in 1995 under the title Northern Lights. Being that I have never read the book, I will not attempt to make any comparisons between its plot and that of The Lord of the Rings, published four decades earlier. However, the film adaptation of The Golden Compass bears some noticeable similarities to the film adaptation of The Lord of the Rings.

In The Golden Compass, a young girl, Lyra Belacqua (Dakota Blue Richards), must undertake a perilous journey to transport an alethiometer (an object that resembles a compass) to a mysterious land. The alethiometer possesses great power and poses a fantastic threat to those who wish to control the world in which Lyra was raised. Over the course of her travels, as she is joined by a small, ragtag army of supporters, Lyra must protect the compass from her manipulative foes. Basically, an innocent, diminutive character tries to keep a round, golden object from falling into the wrong hands. There is also an ethereal voice-over giving us background information at the start of the film and a grandiose CGI battle scene toward the end. Christopher Lee even makes an appearance as an evil wizard-like High Councilor.

That being said, The Golden Compass is far more enamoring than the first Tolkien installment. The characters are much more detailed and engaging, the fantasy world is much more polished, and the high adventure is much more refreshing. This isn’t, of course, to say that I disliked The Lord of the Rings, but despite initial parallels between the franchises, The Golden Compass establishes itself as an exciting and fresh newcomer to the current multitude of fantasy series.

Adapted from the first of a trilogy of novels by Philip Pullman, The Golden Compass chronicles Lyra’s mission not only to protect the alethiometer, but also to free kidnapped children from the nightmarish Gobblers, who have taken some of her own friends. Clues regarding their whereabouts lead her to the arctic land of the North, where a strange phenomenon is occurring. In Lyra’s universe, the souls of people walk alongside them in the form of animals called daemons. In the North, Dust, which flows from the sky and resembles the Aurora Borealis, seems to form a connection to other universes (some like our own in which people’s souls dwell inside the body). While Lyra’s uncle, Lord Asriel (Daniel Craig) seeks to study the Dust, others want to cover up its existence, a key factor of which seems to be destroying Lyra’s alethiometer.

While the issue of the missing children is resolved, questions about Dust, the alethiometer, and a prophecy regarding Lyra (akin to that of the subsequently written Harry Potter stories) propel the film toward its sequel.

The Golden Compass is a great movie, but is not as aimed toward children as audiences might expect. Although there is no shortage of cute, playful daemons and the main character is a child, most of the film’s plot is quite sophisticated and may be hard for younger viewers to follow. Also, some scenes of surprising violence boost the movie’s rating to PG-13.

A highlight in the film is the acting of thirteen-year-old Dakota Blue Richards, who is much more believable than the other, more well-known Dakota. Since the story centers on the character of Lyra, it is a testament to Richards’ talent that the film succeeds. Alongside her are Nicole Kidman, an appropriate choice for the menacingly refined Mrs. Coulter, and Sam Elliott, reprising his role as a shrewd cowboy in Lee Scoresby. Providing voices for the daemons are Ian McKellen, Kathy Bates, and Freddie Highmore.

The Golden Compass is part of a fantasy trilogy, but it surpasses its contemporaries in the strength of its plot, the development of its characters, the talent of its actors, and its ability excite viewers about its sequel. If the familiar story of a brave child battling powerful unseen evils is to be adapted to film, there has, as of yet, been no better attempt than this.

Review of Margot at the Wedding

2007-12-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

Margot at the Wedding is, I would say, a comedy with an all-star cast including Jack Black and John Turturro. This is probably the only way I can make this film sound in the least bit good because in actuality, Margot at the Wedding is a laughably bad drama, still featuring Jack Black and John Turturro.

The movie starts out endearingly enough, introducing a slew of dysfunctional family members gathering to celebrate Pauline’s (Jennifer Jason Leigh) upcoming marriage to Malcolm (Jack Black). Pauline’s sister, Margot (Nicole Kidman), arrives by train with her adolescent son, Claude (Zane Pais), despite a spell of silence and tension between the sisters. A possibly gay couple with a possibly autistic son also makes a probably irrelevant appearance, as does Pauline’s daughter, Ingrid (Flora Cross), who doesn’t really do anything except have a dog and then call for it when it gets lost. If the character’s names don’t already supply you with enough pretension to last a few years at Cannes, the rest of the movie certainly will.

If there is any real plot involved in Margot at the Wedding, it never goes anywhere. Pauline is pregnant and she hasn’t told Malcolm, but then he finds out anyway and nothing happens. Margot and her husband, Jim (John Turturro, in a five-minute appearance), are having problems in their relationship and Margot is having an affair with a guy named Dick (Ciarán Hinds) but nothing ends up happening. There is even a feud between Pauline’s family and some menacing next-door neighbors who seem bizarrely plucked from Deliverance (complete with lines like, “Are you a queer?”), but nothing ever comes of it. The whole movie seems like a set-up for something that never happens. The subplots simply dissolve, and Margot at the Wedding comes off as a home video filmed with an expensive camera.

Adding to the film’s unpleasantness is the continuously emphasized personality of the main character, Margot, who has not one likeable trait. She is outspoken, tactless, and embarrassing to her family. She is overly dependent upon her son, Claude, and uses him as a means of support for her frequent emotional swings and concerns about family secrets. She also insults him and calls him a baby when he doesn’t want to leave her. There could have been a more defined psychological interplay between Margot and Claude, but apparently because of other aspirations for the film, Margot’s feelings are summed up in a ten second synopsis of a book she has written. Besides being a bad mother, Margot is also an awful wife, cheating on her husband and blaming him for her emotional problems, though he is endlessly kind to her. Margot is not the only unlikable character in the movie; Malcolm is shown to be distasteful as well, but at least he and the other characters are not totally devoid of relatable human responses.

Margot at the Wedding finally ends when Malcolm says something indistinguishable and Margot runs alongside a bus. Considering this should signify a wrap-up of conflicts previously presented in the movie but doesn’t come close to doing so, the film becomes not only tedious but also unsatisfying. Whatever message director Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale) might have been trying to convey is lost among character flaws and Jack Black’s bad acting.

Margot at the Wedding is either trying too hard, or not trying hard enough. The quirky, affluent, almost bohemian family interacting in front of a windy, East Coast shoreline seems too artsy, too beautifully flawed, too tailored to the Oscars to really be taken as a genuine, inspired effort. The deficient storyline only confirms the lack of feeling in the making of the film and forces the audience to create its own connections between unrelated sequences of characters crying and yelling.

Somehow, even the most well-acted displays of emotion end up seeming inane or inappropriate. Pain seems awkward, anger seems pleasant, and sadness seems funny. Along with unexplained or strangely absent characters (like Pauline and Margot’s mother and sister, Becky, who show up only briefly across a street), badly integrated scenes and the lack of a story behind pretty much every situation introduced in the movie make it seem like Margot at the Wedding was haphazardly cropped down to its current 91 minute running time. Margot cries over a lost shoe but, unless she is more severely disturbed than the movie lets on, this gesture is confusing and nonsensical. The movie is smattered with similar references and reactions that have no basis and lead nowhere, further impairing the film’s chances at logical progression.

The acting in the movie is actually commendable, but again, with so many over-the-top sentiments, it is hard to appreciate. The only inadequate performance comes from Jack Black, who apparently never learned to display believable pain or sadness during his career as a comic. He does yell well once, but a response that strong from his character seems unwarranted and the value is therefore lost.

Margot at the Wedding is not worth seeing unless, maybe, you are a huge Nicole Kidman fan, but even then it still might not be worth it. With so much effort to be something great and so little success, the film is simply a disappointment and should only be interpreted as an uninspired waste of time or a humorously inept mistake.

Review of Enchanted

2007-11-20T00:38:00.000-08:00

Classic Disney movies almost always contain joyous songs to ease the effort of work, generically handsome princes and cooperative, talking animals. The people at Disney, apparently wanting to revive the old standard, created Enchanted, a film about a prince and princess, personified animals, and, in a modernized twist, a divorce lawyer in New York.

Enchanted begins, rather unassumingly, as an over-the-top cartoon romance in which Disney uses its old clichés to make fun of itself (just like in the ploy-laden Shrek series). Giselle (Amy Adams) is a beautiful young woman who communes with forest animals and waits for her true love to find her. Predictably, a prince named Edward comes to her rescue and the two decide to wed the next day.

Unfortunately for the couple, Prince Edward’s evil step-mother, Narissa (Susan Sarandon) wants to keep the throne to herself and plans to do anything to keep Edward from marrying. She pushes Giselle into a magical well and, after transforming into a real-life version of herself, Giselle emerges in the middle of New York City. Here, she meets Robert (Patrick Dempsy), a single father and divorce attorney who no longer has faith in romantic love.

Enchanted employs a lot of gags regarding the evident differences between Giselle’s fantasy world and New York, but most of them are clever and some are even funny. When Prince Edward follows Giselle to the real world with his sidekick, Nathaniel (Timothy Spall), everything from a revolving door to a city bus becomes a source for humor. Unlike many other current movies marketed toward children, Enchanted thankfully does not rely on ridiculous gross-out jokes. It also refrains from using one-liners aimed at adults (obviously intended to keep parents from falling asleep during otherwise trivial films). Instead, Enchanted is genuinely amusing for both children and adults with humor that applies to both audiences.

As Prince Edward searches for Giselle, she explores her new surroundings with Robert and his daughter, Morgan (Rachel Covey). Giselle’s optimistic spirit is contagious and she soon has an entire park filled with people dancing and singing about love. However, Robert, although he is kind and sympathetic towards Giselle, cannot be convinced that romance can last or that falling in love is reason enough to get married. Meanwhile, Queen Narissa is trying to have Giselle killed, and also ends up going to New York to do the job herself.

The movie peaks at a ball in Manhattan with an angry dragon, a poison apple, and a magic kiss. We learn that true love does not happen in an instant, but that it is real and worth believing in. The film even caps off with a feminist twist and of course everyone lives happily ever after.

What really makes this film so much fun is the good-natured innocence with which Giselle and Prince Edward view things in the modern world. The characters’ interpretation of new oddities is shaped by their experience in the fantasy world. The wittiness evident in this aspect of the story is a credit not only to writer Bill Kelly, but also to the actors. There is no dullness in their deliveries and their characters, despite many being live versions of cartoon characters, are somehow entirely believable. Amy Adams, especially, brings energy and honesty to her role, creating a humorous and endearing persona.

Narrated by Julie Andrews, Enchanted is one of a small number of recent movies that is actually entertaining to both children and adults. A genuine family film destined to warm hearts and cause laughter, Enchanted truly is enchanting.

Review of Beowulf

2007-11-13T22:43:00.000-08:00

If you haven't seen an ad for Beowulf yet, it is a CGI film. All the actors are computer generated to look like video game versions of themselves (for the most part) and they interact in a world where special effects and mythical monsters look pretty realistic. Visuals that could have come across as trite and tawdry are sophisticated, meticulously detailed, and extremely intense.

With the aesthetics of the film being so impressive and the entertainment value centering on consistently engaging action sequences, the plot of Beowulf is actually not too instrumental. Based on an ancient epic poem that a lot of people probably read in high school English and then forgot the details of, Beowulf chronicles the adventures of the title character, a varyingly heroic and corruptible man.

The story begins when King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) holds a huge party for his people in a hall he has just built. A local monster, Grendel (Crispin Glover, whose character actually resembles him very little), has sensitive ears and can't stand to hear people celebrating. Grendel crashes into the hall and kills people in an impressively executed sequence, leaving the surviving party-goers terrified. After Grendel returns to the cave where he lives with his mother (Angelina Jolie), Hrothgar offers half of his kingdom to anyone who will slay Grendel.

Beowulf (Ray Winstone) arrives and claims that he and his men will kill Grendel not for gold, but for glory. During a round of loud singing, Grendel again shows up at the hall and a fight ensues. Beowulf punches the monster and eventually rips off his arm, leaving Grendel to retreat to his cave to die.

Concerned about the terror Grendel's mother might unleash as retribution for her son's death, Beowulf sets out to kill her as well. Upon entering the cave where she dwells, Beowulf finds that instead of being a grotesque monster like her son, she is seductively beautiful and makes Beowulf offers of power and wealth.

The plot deviates from that of the original manuscript and Beowulf ends up making a deal with Grendel's mother. He returns to Hrothgar's kingdom, becomes heir to the throne, and ends up living into old age as ruler of the area.

Eventually, Beowulf's promise to Grendel's mother is unintentionally broken and she sends a dragon to destroy the kingdom. Despite his age, Beowulf must engage in one more battle, which he hopes will rid the kingdom of monsters for good.

More plot devices are evident in the film than in the original poem but these actually end up producing holes in the story. There is a golden horn that keeps resurfacing only to advance the narrative, an unexplained suicide, and monsters that can apparently attack one king but not another. Also, Hrothgar's advisor, Unferth (John Malkovich), initially scoffs at Beowulf's tales of outrageous adventures, but suddenly and suspiciously has a change of heart and offers Beowulf his ancestral sword.

Another shortcoming of the film is the unnecessary nudity, included perhaps because it is computer animated, and therefore "not real"? (I don't like to think I'm prudish, but I wasn't exactly enjoying myself when I was exposed to a shot of Anthony Hopkins' robe falling off.) It also isn't really a new ploy to use strategically placed objects to block a character's private parts. Audiences, though, might better enjoy watching a character do something if that character is naked and teens will be glad to get their money's worth for the PG-13 rating.

Overall, however, the unanswered questions and ridiculous nude fight scenes don't come close to ruining the film. Beowulf stands solid on its beautiful visuals which far surpass the standards set by previous CGI films. The details are so thorough that tiny hairs on the tips of characters' noses are visible, snow begins to melt upon touching human skin, and close-ups of eyes show flecks of different colors. The CGI also compliments the actions scenes (arrow points flying directly into the screen) and the impact of the monsters (thick streams of spit dripping from Grendel's mouth).

Beowulf doesn't carry any deep sentimentalities and the storyline may not be complete, but the true value of the film comes from its high level of pure entertainment. Few films are able to maintain such a constant evocation of excitement, anticipation, and awe. The effort that went into making this movie is obvious and that, alone, is enough to make it great.

Review of Gone Baby Gone

2007-10-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

It took me like two weeks or something to write this review and the more I look back on the movie, the worse it seems. I actually don't blame Ben Affleck for any lack in this case; he did the best he could with his first directing experience. It seems that this was just an impossible story to adapt into film and strange plot shifts and embarrassing acting doomed the project from the start.

Gone Baby Gone takes place in America's capital of crime, white trash, and nerve-racking baseball. Revolving around a brotherhood of Bostonians, including Ben and Casey Affleck, avid Boston crime writer, Dennis Lehane, and even a Wahlberg brother, Robert, the storyline is based on one (or two) child abduction(s) (or murders). Basically, a little girl named Amanda McCready (played by a mostly absent Madeline O'Brien) is kidnapped from her neglectful mother, Helene (Amy Ryan). Helene's motherly, though childless, sister-in-law hires private detective Patrick Kenzie (Casey Affleck) and his burdensome assistant, Angie Gennaro (Michelle Monaghan), who I will talk more about later, to augment the police investigation.

After a series of mostly fruitless interrogations with drunks and drug lords (all of whom Patrick Kenzie went to high school with), the kidnapping is pinned on a black immigrant named Cheese. Typical. The movie then climaxes and ends. Kind of.

For some reason, one of Kenzie's druggie ex-school-mates turns out to be the only hero in the film and takes Patrick on a drug deal to a house of child molesters and ex-cons, apparently under the assumption that the experience could lead to some resolution. No such luck. A second climax occurs, more people get shot, and the movie winds into a shallowly introspective journey involving Kenzie and a police detective from the McCready case, Remy Bressant (Ed Harris).

After talking with a drunken Bressant, Kenzie starts to question some of the details of Amanda McCready's disappearance and undertakes a sort of renegade investigation, receiving a badly-delivered line of disapproval from his unsupportive assistant/girlfriend.

It becomes clear that the plots which have thus far developed and concluded throughout the movie were mainly distractions. Or really drawn-out, roundabout ways of presenting one fact that might be important an hour later when the movie has become so clogged with crimes and culprits and motives that any explanation, no matter how outrageous, would be acceptable.

There is simply too much of Dennis Lehane's story to fit into two hours of celluloid. I think Gone Baby Gone is comparable to what would have happened had David Lynch tried to make Twin Peaks into a movie. There are too many plot twists, too many partially-relevant character side stories, and too many red herrings (a term I learned from the Hanna-Barbera cartoon, A Pup Named Scooby-Doo) to make a coherent storyline, let alone a succinct movie. It's hard for me to imagine even the novel this movie was adapted from being engaging. After the first pseudo-conclusion in the film, I wasn't too interested in seeing any more. I was satisfied with thinking the case had closed accurately and Ben Affleck just didn't know how to end a movie.

Convoluted plot line aside, Gone Baby Gone also sucked because of the ineptitude of every actor to be convincing (or to ennunciate). In fact, for me, the movie was ruined within the first 15 minutes because of Michelle Monaghan. With the alien-like collagen lips and eye area of Teri Hatcher and Ellen Pompeo (of Grey's Anatomy), Monaghan plays a pointless character who criticizes people who weren't fortunate enough to have a boyfriend who will give them a steady, respectable job. Delivering obvious lines with little emotion, Monaghan lets the audience know she disapproves of people who leave their kids in cars. Her character, Angie, is also a real downer for her boyfriend, Kenzie. More of an encumbering sidekick than a loving girlfriend, Angie makes hazardous comments to dangerous criminals, challenges Kenzie's ethics, and even tries to dissuade the McCready family from utilizing the couple's detective services. Way to keep the man who supports you from making money, judgemental bitch.

Casey Affleck is also disappointing, but probably only because I was so impressed with him in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I guess he really does as good a job as anyone would have in that role. His emotions aren't really strong enough to overshadow the ubiquitous semi-important details of the plot, but I am uncertain whether that is good or bad. The main problems I have with the younger Affleck are his tendency to mumble all of his lines and his inconsistent and kind of hard-to-buy Boston accent, which I don't understand since he is a native of that city.

Morgan Freeman is in the movie, too, by the way. I honestly can't remember him showing one emotion throughout the entire film. Ed Harris is bland as well but manages to yell angrily on two occasions. The other actors are alright, though certainly not memorable. The only things I appreciated about the movie were the opening scene of streets in Dorchester and Amy Ryan, who, had she not been weighed down so heavily by sub-par co-stars and messy plot transitions, would have single-handedly made this movie worthwhile. Her portrayal of the working class druggie mother of an abducted girl is unfalteringly believable and it depresses me to think that she may not receive the accolades she deserves because of weaknesses in every other aspect of the film. It also depresses me to think that every other actor could still be so lackluster despite witnessing her obvious conviction.

Gone Baby Gone isn't poorly directed, necessarily. The writing is bad, but I blame that on the book being hard to adapt. Plot lines are connected only by brief, passing statements. Crimes are solved through unreasonable coincidences. Characters pass in and out of importance, and then back in. Without more of an emotional base (and I credit this deficit mostly to the actors and somewhat to the screenwriting), the film can only rely on a plot that can never be strong enough to engage audiences on its own.

I didn't completely dislike the movie. There were a few powerful scenes, some suspense, and one good actor, but overall, this story should never have been translated to film. For fans of Boston, complicated crimes, and decisions of unclear morality, read the Dennis Lehane novel. Or better yet, spend a few nights in Southie.

Review of The Darjeeling Limited

2007-10-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

Wes Anderson's magical and idiosyncratic films rely on endearing eccentricities, humorously misdirected conversations, and meticulously placed details to draw audiences into worlds both awkwardly familiar and surreally pristine. The Darjeeling Limited is no exception to this style, despite the addition of both Roman Coppola (son of Francis Ford) and Jason Schwartzman to the writing staff.

Anderson crafts a colorful world in which three brothers, Francis (Owen Wilson), Peter (Adrien Brody), and Jack (Schwartzman), attempt to reconnect and find spiritual tranquility. Traveling by train through India, the brothers take part in religious rituals, bicker, and drink cough syrup. The plot becomes more substantial when Francis reveals that the trip's true intent is to track down their mother (Angelica Huston), who has become a nun in the countryside and was absent at their father's recent funeral.

After releasing a deadly snake in their compartment and attacking each other with pepper spray, the brothers are kicked off the train, ending a pseudo-romantic relationship between Jack and a stewardess. Without means of transportation, the brothers camp out, drag their load of excessive luggage around, and end up jumping into a river to rescue three drowning boys. The ensuing events have a deep effect on Peter and after spending some potentially enlightening time in a small Indian village, the brothers decide to return home without visiting their mother.

At this point, the movie takes a turn into an ineffective 20-minute attempt at extraneous resolution. The brothers again ask questions, ponder answers, and are left ultimately empty-handed. However, after the numerous adventures, disasters, and disappointments that have befallen them, Francis, Peter, and Jack finally seem to trust and understand one another.

The Darjeeling Limited is not as sharp and decisive as Anderson's masterpiece The Royal Tenenbaums, but it follows along the same clever, quirky, and strangely poignant track that Anderson fans love (with the possibility of attracting a wider audience based on an extended scene involving Natalie Portman partially nude). For a film dealing with the broad meaning of brotherhood and the vibrant culture of India , it is a mark of true brilliance that the charm of The Darjeeling Limited lies mostly in subtleties.

Review of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

2007-10-11T14:10:00.001-07:00

Jesse James is often remembered as a rowdy, wild, charismatic, and unpredictable hero, fighting against the stuffy, haughty lawmen and railroad executives who would have otherwise bitterly stifled his fun. Brad Pitt, who has, for almost two decades, played characters with a similar reckless good nature (Thelma & Louise, A River Runs Through It, Fight Club, Snatch, Ocean's Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, etc., etc.), seemed an apt choice to portray the fabled outlaw. However, Brad Pitt's Jesse James isn't so much of a rambunctious rebel as a paranoid manic-depressive who falls between fits of boundless, savage anger and stretches of hopeless, vapid resignation.

While Jesse chases down the potentially menacing ghosts of his past, the movie centers on other characters from his now-defunct gang. Director Andrew Dominik builds each of these historic ruffians into intensely humanized men who, as Jesse's distrust grows, evoke sympathy at the fear of their former gang leader. Tense interplays between the volatile James and the friends he fears may turn him in for reward money pepper the film along with abrupt gunshots that emerge from masterfully suspenseful editing.

Strangely, one of the men Jesse chooses to trust, albeit in an agitated and fickle way, is Bob Ford (Casey Affleck), who grew up daydreaming of the James Gang's adventures. Bob's delusioned glances, obsessive mannerisms, and encyclopedic knowledge of James is disturbing even to Jesse, but the two repeatedly cross paths and Jesse agrees to take him on as a sidekick in an alleged train-robbing scheme.

Casey Affleck's portrayal of Robert Ford is flawless, enacting perfectly Ford's awkwardly articulated boyish hopes and thinly-veiled rages, as well as his later, more well-adjusted personage that becomes an almost tragic figure. Alongside Affleck is Sam Rockwell, who plays Bob's older brother, Charley. Rockwell is solid through his character's layered emotions of fear and convincingly-feigned dumb good humor.

The real roots of this movie lie not in a fantastic reshaping of Jesse James' adventures, but in a more realistic image of the people who knew, in the last years of his life, a man who was feared even by his friends. Amid a wilderness both arrestingly beautiful and intensely terrifying, Jesse goes on seemingly fated journeys and eventually loses the ability to differentiate between legitimate suspicion and indelible paranoia. To those around him he is god-like: enigmatic, unpredictable, wrathful, distant. But to Bob Ford, who once worshipped him as a legend, he becomes "just a man."

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is a refreshing change from other, often shabbily-executed, films about outlaw heroes. There are no myths built around Jesse or the desperate and deluded Bob Ford. There are no cheap shoot-outs, no glorification of the rustic lives of train robbers. And for Bob Ford, there are no childhood misconceptions, even in the wake of James' murder, about greatness or fame, or trust, or heroes.

Jesse James is peacefully paced, sometimes alarming, and always engaging. Headed by an impressive cast and artful director, this film is both crisp and classic.

Review of Rob Zombie's Halloween

2007-09-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

Rob Zombie is usually a pretty good film-maker, based on what I have heard and my personal opinion of House of 1,000 Corpses. With Halloween, however, Rob Zombie must have either been asleep during filming or relying on the advice of his ten-year-old Michael, Daeg Faerch, for plot line and visuals.

The movie starts off with some mildly engaging scenes from Michael Myers' childhood. Apparently his home life sucked and he liked to kill animals. Then, after he murders a few people, he goes into an insane asylum where Malcolm McDowell, Michael's psychiatrist, sits around and laments his limited social life. Eventually Michael kills Danny Trejo, the only character I cared about in the movie, and escapes from the asylum as the plot degenerates. Michael kills everyone he can for no reason, much like he did in the original Halloween movies. This time, however, since Michael is the main character, it is hard to feel bad about any of the murders. None of the people he kills are likeable or possible to relate to in any way, unless you are a wacky truck driver or an oversexed teenage girl.

At some point it becomes apparent that Michael is after his little sister, his only surviving family member. Unfortunately, around the same time the film becomes incoherently dark and for entire scenes it is literally impossible to figure out what is happening. I think maybe at first Michael wanted to meet his sister, but then later wanted to kill her, and maybe did. I couldn't tell. My friend thought he ripped off her hands, which is as accurate an interpretation of the scene as any.

Overall this film sucked and was a waste of the two hours we had to kill before 3:10 to Yuma started. None of the slayings were graphic or gruesome. They were only implied through a lot of blurry, quickly-cut camera shots, some Psycho-esque montages, and wet, slurping noises. There was also no suspense whatsoever, except maybe in the end because I was waiting to see if the film would brighten up so I could find out what happened. The only consolation for this drawn-out, lifeless monstrosity was a brief glimpse of Sheri Moon Zombie's ass and some shots of a few teenage girls' sub-par tits. If I'm going to leave the comfort of my home for two hours for the sole reward of some boobie shots, the boobs better be superior to what I could see when I look in my own mirror (and these alleged superior boobs do not exist).

Halloween drags along into darkness (kind of like Michael drags his victims' bodies into darkness! ha!) and then assumably drags on some more. If the sound had gone out instead of the visuals maybe I could have at least had a conversation, but unfortunately, the Brail markers leading us through the last 20 minutes of the film consisted of loud breathing and stuff being smashed. I felt like asking for my money back after the film, but then remembered that I didn't pay. Halloween isn't worth going out to see, isn't worth renting, and isn't worth watching on TV. I really hope that five years from now USA is still showing the John Carpenter series during the month of October and the world is allowed to forget that Rob Zombie tried to remake a movie.

Review of the Yahoo Fantasy Football website

2007-09-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

This is my second year of fantasy football. After having to keep track of my team on paper and scour NFL.com for point updates last season, I was glad when the league I am in decided to use Yahoo to track our stats this year. I am no expert at fantasy sports and Yahoo seemed to provide a straighforward and accessible template that even I could utilize. So throughout the preseason and into the opening week of NFL games, the website was an invaluable resource. It projected scoring for each of my players based on the point system the leauge was using and, I assume, previous performance and rank of the opposing team. I could slide my players around into the open starting roster spots and see how my team stacked up to the teams I would be playing each week of the season. Yahoo gave me near-immediate updates on all my players and let me track free agents to see if they were worth picking up. The website was concise, organized, informative, and easy to use.

Yahoo also let me keep in contact with the other "managers" in my league. Through leaving notes on the league board or "talking smack" directly on my team's page, I could insult and joke with my rivals. I was also updated on any transactions the other managers made which kept me aware of which players had been picked up or traded. Overall, Yahoo Sports seemed like the perfect forum for our league to interact and stay updated from the comfort of our homes.

The aspect of the website I appreciated most, however, was the timely point updating system. Since I don't have some amazing cable package, I only get to see a few football games a week. However, Yahoo would update my weekly score each time one of my players would get points. Literally within seconds of a player scoring a touchdown, kicking a field goal, or sacking a quarterback, Yahoo would post how many points that player had gained for me, according to our league settings. This way I was able to stay on top of my team's performance without having to do endless research to find updates on games that I couldn't watch. All I had to do was click the refresh button and I would instantly know how many points each of my players had scored and whether I was winning or losing my game. I could also check on match-ups between other teams to see who was winning in the league.

Then, this week, the second week of football, the greatest feature on the Yahoo Fantasy Football website became unavailable to me. Yahoo no longer calculates my points throughout the day. Neither does it calculate the points of my opposition, or anyone else in the league. Apparently that feature, which gave me immediate access to all my players' performance, costs $9.99 for the rest of the season.

I'm not sure why I had this access to, what Yahoo Sports calls, StatTracker for only the first week of fantasy football unless it was to enamor me with its convenience in an attempt to hook me into shelling out ten bucks for the continued luxury. In any case, I am moderately appalled that Yahoo would actually charge for this feature. I know a lot of people probably pay for it since it seems pretty necessary, but without it the Yahoo Fantasy Football website is basically a glorified message board. I could easily call in my lineup, or, as I did last year, post them on Myspace. I could also check out the plethora of football and fantasy football websites to stay updated on my players and I could probably, without doing any paperwork, decide who to start on intuition alone. If Yahoo Sports isn't even going to tell me whether I'm winning a game, it is pretty useless to me.

So far I have spent this week of football figuring out my points the way I did last year: by adding up on paper the points I had calculated according to our league settings and information I obtained from NFL.com. I also called my boyfriend, who paid the $9.99 for StatTracker.

I still don't know if I've won my game this week. Everyone on every team, according to Yahoo, has still scored zero points. At least we're all tied.

The Yahoo Fantasy Football website may look nice and provide an internet-based list of your players, as opposed to one written in a notebook, but beyond that, it really doesn't do much. Making trades, keeping track of teams, and insulting opponents are quicker and potentially easier processes, but the website doesn't really offer me anything that would be useful on a daily basis. At this rate I'm just going to visit once a week to see if I won the past week's match-up and enter my new roster. Not being continually updated on my team's progress takes a lot of the excitement out of fantasy football. I don't want to have to pay $10 to make something that I already paid $50 for more engaging. Thanks, Yahoo, for taking all the fun out of my season.

Review of the Spoon album Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

2007-08-01T15:06:00.000-07:00

Most bands are hard for me to stick with. Usually as time goes by, their original sound will morph into something that is ineptly modernized or completely foreign. Take Green Day. I bought my first Green Day album because there was a song on it about masturbation. I was 14. It seemed cool and brash and irreverant. You know what's not irreverant? Green Day's latest string of politically-alluded, humanitarian songs and their spin-off of the rock opera Tommy. Not that I don't respect what Green Day is doing or the messages they are transmitting. I just liked the old Green Day better. They were fun and familiar and that is all I ever expected of them. Of course, staying the same can mean disaster for bands too. Like Weezer, maybe. I was a huge fan of Weezer until they started coming out with album after album of songs that sounded too much like their old songs. "Island in the Sun" can never be "Holiday." "Hash Pipe," "Dope Nose," and "Beverly Hills" will never be "Buddy Holly." Come on, guys. Give it up. Your time has passed and now you are just getting annoying. See, I tend to get bored with bands who release album after album of stuff that all sounds the same. If your second album sounds the same as your first album, why should I buy the second one?

Anyway, the issue here is the new Spoon album. It still sounds like Spoon. It sounds a lot like their other albums. All of their other albums. There are the same catchy hooks, the same bouncing keyboard, the same vocal production and the same type of lyrical matter. This could have been a disaster. This could have been boring. This could have been redundant. But somehow, the entire album sounds completely fresh and new.

Maybe it is just Spoon. I mean, I would probably describe the band's overall sound as "fresh and new," so I guess it comes as no surprise that their latest album engages me just as much as Kill the Moonlight did when I heard it four years ago. I don't mean to sound trite, but Spoon is a pretty timeless band and thus Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga is an apt addition to their repertoire.

The album starts off with the upbeat and catchy "Don't Make Me A Target" - standard Spoon fare. Banging keyboards, clanging guitars, and lax yet captivating vocals ease together to create an impeccably clean and polished opening. The second track, "The Ghost of You Lingers," is unsettling with ethereal backing vocals, a tense keyboard, and threatening sound effects. It reminds me of something from the 80s. Maybe Foreigner. There is a definite lonely eeriness in the song, punctuated by the urgency of the sometimes dissonant keyboard chords.

There is no weak song on the album. Each track serves as evidence that we can rely on Spoon to bring us something new and original that we already know we will like. Hopefully this is saying enough for me to skip out on reviewing every track individually without losing any benevolence toward the album as a whole. There is, however, a star track that stands out to me. "The Underdog," with its bold horns, jangling tambourine, hand claps, and charged vocals is probably too catchy, too exciting, and generally too good to be a radio single (unless it already is, in which case I have underestimated corporate stations). In any case, whenever I am able to see a live Spoon performance, this is the song I will be most desirous to hear.

Lastly, I must mention the final track, "Black Like Me." I have never given much creedence to Spoon's lyrics, but "Black Like Me" is actually mood-alteringly melancholy in its content (and may involve a reference to masturbating with a vaccuum: a surefire way to enamor me with a song).

Overall, the album is solid in preserving the notable Spoon sound without sacrificing progression or invention. The optimistic, pulsing tones carry over some darker sentiments to create an upbeat collection that is not devoid of worth or sincerity. Among the often vapid and inapt ablums currently being released, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga stands out for its sharpness and genunine appeal.

Review of Tracks I Have Recently Downloaded (Part 1)

2007-07-31T17:29:00.000-07:00

Including music from The Aliens, Bishop Allen, Fionn Regan, and The Waterboys

The Aliens - Robot Man
I really like this song. It is kind of funky and wacky and has a lot going on. I'm not sure how famous The Aliens are, but this track makes me feel like they are a band a lot of people would enjoy listening to.
Instrumental Aspects: 4
Vocal Aspects: 3
Lyrics: 2
Overall Sound: 4

The Aliens - Tomorrow
This song is pretty good, albeit a bit slow-paced for my usual preferences. It reminds me a little of The Beatles, a little of Kansas, and a little of the slow part in the Doors' song "Touch Me." There is a definite throwback sound to this track, which the band manages to pull off pretty well. Somewhere around three and a half minutes, the vocals go into a kind of multi-part harmony (which is probably my favorite part of the song) that really makes it sound like some pop ballad from the late 60s. There is also a major western Mariachi overtone incorporating a harmonica and horns that is alright, but that Mariachi schtick seems kind of like a trendy ploy and doesn't add a whole lot to the song. Overall, though, this track pretty good. I would have downloaded more music from this band, but I heard "Setting Sun" first and I thought it sucked so I deleted all the other transfers of their music that were still going.
Instrumental Aspects: 3.5
Vocal Aspects: 3
Lyrics: 3
Overall Sound: 3.5

Bishop Allen - Charm School
One of the singers in this band sounds exactly like a guy I went to BU with, but it isn't him. Too bad. That guy isn't a bad musician and I hope he is successful with his music career. This is a pretty catchy tune, but pretty bland content-wise. The main lyric is: "Everybody's sayin' that I'm not so cool so I'm goin' back to charm school." Not that the lyrics in "Robot Man" were that great, but the singers sing these "Charm School" lyrics in a cocky way that says (to me), "ha ha aren't we clever and quirky for writing simple lyrics." I don't really like that crap from bands. But the song is pretty upbeat and fun so it's not all that annoying. I don't like the female backing vocals though. They are too high to really mesh with the rest of the song. It seems to be an ongoing trend for bands to have female back-up vocalists with high, soft voices. For some reason that almost creates dissonance in the song for me. Get someone who can sing in the right key or who has a stronger voice.
Instrumental Aspects: 3
Vocal Aspects: 2
Lyrics: 2
Overall Sound: 2.5

Bishop Allen - Things Are What You Make of Them
Maybe this song is on a commercial or something because it sounds really familiar. Of course, this band does sound like a lot of other bands that are kind of popular now, such as Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and every band I always confuse with Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. The opening of this track kind of reminds me of that Marcy Playground song "Sex and Candy" because the singer says "yeah" after every line. Later on it reminds me of the end of the Beatles song "Hello, Goodbye" because there is a lot of "hey-la" stuff going on. This song is pretty simple and unfettered by inappropriate backing vocals.
Instrumantal Aspects: 3
Vocal Aspects: 3
Lyrics: 3
Overall Sound: 3

Bishop Allen - Ghosts Are Good Company
This track has a twangy sound that is probably the same as one track on every album of every band similar to Bishop Allen. There is also that annoying back-up girl. This song would be better off without her singing, no offense to her. The end actually isn't so bad because she and the dude sing in rounds, but that only makes the song sound like it is reaching an epic point where it really isn't. It is kind of a novelty song about getting old or somthing, which is not epic at all. I do like the last maybe 20 seconds of the track, though. I am kind of a sucker for choruses singing over twangy guitars.
Instrumental Aspects: 3.5
Vocal Aspects: 3
Lyrics: 3
Overall Sound: 3

Bishop Allen - Click Click Click
A total novelty song. But not necessarily bad. The verse lyrics are kind of good but the chorus lyrics suck in an annoying, cutesy way. There is also some magical, quirky keyboard stuff going on in the background. I hate to be so critical of this band because they really aren't bad. They are just totally unoriginal. See, I used to work at a college radio station and I was sometimes around people who ate this stuff up because it was new and "unique." But only unique in that it doesn't sound like, say, My Chemical Romance. But, see, Bishop Allen sounds like every other generic, trendy indie band that is supposed to be "fun" and "quirky." Their songs are catchy but I can't really appreciate them just for that. I expect more originality, or at least enough to differentiate them from every other indie band out there.
Instrumental Aspects: 2.5
Vocal Aspects: 2.5
Lyrics: 3
Overall Sound: 2.5

Bishop Allen - The Chinatown Bus
Starts off with a high xylophone note being played in the background, which I feel is also an annoying, trendy ploy, but I'll get over the genericalness of this band because this is their last track I downloaded and therefore the last one I am reviewing. This track totally sounds like something Connor Oberst would write. There are long streams of lyrics about things that someone is thinking about and observing as he rides along in a taxi (ironically not a bus from what I gather). I actually like this song for what it is, even with the back-up vocals girl making an appearance. It is kind of sweet and well-executed.
Instrumental Aspects: 3
Vocal Aspects: 3
Lyrics: 3.5
Overall Sound: 3.5

Fionn Regan - Campaign Button
This guy sounds a lot like Devendra Banhart, except he's from Ireland. This song is pretty but also catchy and has fairly thoughtful lyrics. I actually really like this song for some reason. It is just one of those "dude plays a guitar and sings" songs but it stands out from the others in the melody and the slightly gritty sound of Mr. Regan's voice.
Instrumental Aspects: 3
Vocal Aspects: 4.5
Lyrics: 4
Overall Sound: 4

Fionn Regan - Noah (Ghost in a Sheet)
Mr. Regan's voice sounds a lot less cool in this song. He is a good singer and everything, but he sounds more generic on this track, like Chris Martin and a lot of other guys from the British Isles. This is a good song, but it didn't impress me the way "Campaign Button" did.
Instrumental Aspects: 3.5
Vocal Aspects: 4
Lyrics: 4
Overall Sound: 3.5

Fionn Regan - Hunters Map
I really like this guy. He reminds me a little of Paul Simon and Van Morrison. This song is also very basic as far as instruments are concerned. The guitar on this is really beautiful but I guess this guy's songs are kind of like the antitheses of Phil Spector's Wall of Sound thing. This track again makes me think of Chris Martin (the guy from Coldplay). If he did a solo album, I imagine it would sound something like this.
Instrumental Aspects: 4
Vocal Aspects: 4
Lyrics:4
Overall Sound: 3.5

The Waterboys - The Man With the Wind at His Heels
I got three songs from this band but deleted the other two after listening to them once. This track isn't so bad. The singer almost enunciates too much, but he is British or Irish or something, so it might just be his accent. This is a moderately pretty song. If you have ever seen one of those movies about Ireland where there is an aerial shot of the ocean and the green coast, then you have probably heard on the soundtrack an epic song incorporating Uilleann pipes. This song is pretty similar to what you would hear in the movie, but with deliberate vocals about how there is a day for everything. Kind of like the Byrds song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" Some of the lyrics (and the way they are sung) sound a little creepy but they aren't really that distracting. I don't know much about this band, but after hearing how horrible their other two tracks were, I think this may be their only good song.
Instrumental Aspects: 4
Vocal Aspects: 3
Lyrics: 3
Overall Sound: 3

(All of the numerical ratings are out of 5, with 1 being the lowest possible score.)